Note: Click on 'Play' to hear the blog in my voice. It may be used as a read-along aid/addition.
Disclaimer: Original, like all my blogposts
I would like to apply for the post of a reality show contestant in your channel. I don't know which new reality show is coming up. But the rate at which they are going, I am sure there is atleast one. If not two. One of them will surely be a song/dance/music talent show. As it is, dance, song and music are the only 'talents' someone can have these days. So, I am quite untalented. So perhaps a plain show that is about a group of jobless people shouting and fighting around would do. In fact, I think I am eligible. I would like to tell you why.
Firstly, I am from a middle class family. Do I need to say more? Because from all the reality shows that I have seen so far, the Indian middle class is the most reality-show-friendly people because from what I have seen on the shows, we are indeed the most distressed section of people in the world - atleast as distressed as Rakhi Sawant's mother.
Secondly, I also have a collection of choicest abuses from English to Hindi and do a lot of yelling when I give them. In case you don't want me to abuse because you fear to loose the family audience (which let me tell you, you will get if the abuses ARE there!), I can also say "beep-beep" in a way that it sounds like the world's worst abusive word.
Thirdly, I talk to myself. This is one habit I developed when I was in the asylum. This talent of mine will surely take me a long way in the reality show that you put me in - especially after the "how do you feel now" questions that will be dropped every ten minutes.
On second thoughts, I think I will fit in the talent reality shows too. I have practised enough you see! I often give a speech on methods to reduce population of West Tanzania in front of my five year old cousin and when he gives negative feedback, I can very effectively clutch myself and fall to the ground grumbling and weeping. So, I am sure I will do that in front of the judges when they talk negatively about my performance too. In fact, you can make me a judge in one of your shows - after all, even I am considered a sidey performer in my area.
Sir, for the last one year, I have been practising my sms appeal in front of God in my evening prayer. Twice, the marigold petals fell from the God's photoframe. This should speak for the fact that I am good at it. I suggest you try this effect in one of your episodes with me.
The bottomline is that I totally understand that reality shows are as much related to reality as Abhijeet Sawant is to Rakhi Sawant. And I am now sincerely hoping that Abhijeet does not sue me for relating him to Rakhi. I understand that an imaginary Tulsi's love-triangle dilemma does not interest people as much as Rakhi Sawant's love-polygon dilemma and I will strive, as a reality show contestant, to generate this level of attention to the best of my ability.
Thanks and Regards,