Natural Aversion therapy to songs

I remember a song 'Bol na halke halke' that a friend had recorded in his voice. It was my ringtone for a long time. I loved it. Then, I set it as my alarm tone. Twenty days later, I began to hate that song!!

My theory is simple and straightforward (The Occam's Razor principle states that the simplest theory is the best one.) : "If you want to distaste yourself to a song, set it as your alarm tone."

Alarm tones should never be the songs you love. Because sooner or later, you are going to end up hating this tune that pulls you out of the arms of your cozy sleep. A song that we loved, all of a sudden, becomes a song that disciplines us. One naturally becomes averse to the song in some days. The effect that the song had on you no longer holds!

'Ringa ringa' from Slumdog millionaire is one of my favs of recent times. The song is not really the kinds you would want to listen to in public for the rather corny lyrics - but I love it nevertheless. This morning, this song woke me up (after I 'snooze'd five times.) and I have begun to dislike it already.... Grrr...

If there's some song your friend/husband/wife likes which you don't, try my therapy. Ilaaj nahi to paise waapas...

Funny job application

Note: Click on 'Play' to hear the blog in my voice. It may be used as a read-along aid/addition.

Disclaimer: Original, like all my blogposts




Respected Sir,

I would like to apply for the post of a reality show contestant in your channel. I don't know which new reality show is coming up. But the rate at which they are going, I am sure there is atleast one. If not two. One of them will surely be a song/dance/music talent show. As it is, dance, song and music are the only 'talents' someone can have these days. So, I am quite untalented. So perhaps a plain show that is about a group of jobless people shouting and fighting around would do. In fact, I think I am eligible. I would like to tell you why.

Firstly, I am from a middle class family. Do I need to say more? Because from all the reality shows that I have seen so far, the Indian middle class is the most reality-show-friendly people because from what I have seen on the shows, we are indeed the most distressed section of people in the world - atleast as distressed as Rakhi Sawant's mother.

Secondly, I also have a collection of choicest abuses from English to Hindi and do a lot of yelling when I give them. In case you don't want me to abuse because you fear to loose the family audience (which let me tell you, you will get if the abuses ARE there!), I can also say "beep-beep" in a way that it sounds like the world's worst abusive word.

Thirdly, I talk to myself. This is one habit I developed when I was in the asylum. This talent of mine will surely take me a long way in the reality show that you put me in - especially after the "how do you feel now" questions that will be dropped every ten minutes.

On second thoughts, I think I will fit in the talent reality shows too. I have practised enough you see! I often give a speech on methods to reduce population of West Tanzania in front of my five year old cousin and when he gives negative feedback, I can very effectively clutch myself and fall to the ground grumbling and weeping. So, I am sure I will do that in front of the judges when they talk negatively about my performance too. In fact, you can make me a judge in one of your shows - after all, even I am considered a sidey performer in my area.

Sir, for the last one year, I have been practising my sms appeal in front of God in my evening prayer. Twice, the marigold petals fell from the God's photoframe. This should speak for the fact that I am good at it. I suggest you try this effect in one of your episodes with me.

The bottomline is that I totally understand that reality shows are as much related to reality as Abhijeet Sawant is to Rakhi Sawant. And I am now sincerely hoping that Abhijeet does not sue me for relating him to Rakhi. I understand that an imaginary Tulsi's love-triangle dilemma does not interest people as much as Rakhi Sawant's love-polygon dilemma and I will strive, as a reality show contestant, to generate this level of attention to the best of my ability.

Thanks and Regards,
Mr. X

Placement is blind

Disclaimer: Dedicated to all who were / will be placed through campus placement drives. Some jokes are made up.


"Love is blind and so is placement." said one jovially intelligent Abhijeet Padhye, a senior at IIT-B and gave me the push for a new blogpost. With rightful thanks to him, let me begin this post which I believe would be in a rather light mood...

Go to youtube and check out any amateur video on engineering college. All of them have a definite track. And an important element in this track that all vids follow is - placements. A lazy loving shortform for 'campus placement drives' - where some companies come driving in in a truck and move out only when they have a truckful of 'placed' candidates.

Some companies, on the other hand, come with a scoop. They like to say 'we are taking only a select few', but all they are doing is thrust the scoop into the volume of candidates and pull out whatever they get.


The placements are a funny affair where some of us go blind - companies as well as candidates.

In the beginning, the candidates are blind - about their future. Jokes like, "Mere ko job nahi mili toh main papad-pickle ka cottage industry kholega" are abundant. (With due respect to the ones who run their livelihood on this.) So, the candidates are blind as the placements start. Blind, because they leave back all their areas of interest and appear for any company that arrives on campus. (It's something like a carpenter who specializes in cutting wood takes up the job of a butcher at the end.)

Then come the aptitude tests. When you know there's no negative marking, you again go blind. You go on marking answers left and right. I know one person who read the instructions on one such aptitude test. When he read that it said, "No negative marking. One or more options may be correct ", he blindly checked both the boxes along the gender column and thought proudly, "Oye tukka lag gaya toh achha hi hai!"

When the interviews/GDs are undertaken, many times the most unpredictable results come out. Like a person who's never been interested in networking get placed in a networking firm and all of a sudden networks seem to be the most happening field to them.


The bottomline is, you can never say when/how/ who will fall in love with whom. The case is similar with placement. You can never say when which company will fall for you or when you would fall for which company and its products. You can never say when an open-sourcewallah will go gaga over the products of the company where he was just been placed.

Love and placement are both blind...

Washing dirty linen

Aah! Now that I'm at a hostel - and that I washed my clothes on my own for the first time in my life only last week, dirty linen isn't a new sight for me. Washing dirty linen in public has never been something unfamiliar anyways.

Film actresses scratching each other in cat-fights on TV shows, actors criticizing (read : 'bitching about one another') the more popular ones on blogs. Or on a more personal level, people (read: 'ex-friends')  giving vent to their misunderstandings in public.

Sadly, the general tendency is often something like this - if I don't like someone, I have to hate him. And if I hate him, I need to say bad things about him. And I would not leave any stone unturned to look down upon him or spit venom in public. In other (simpler, meaner) words, I would gossip/bitch about that person... And hey, we all love to be an audience to all this too.

Physical 'clothes' need to be washed. But one can do away with the linen of discontent, ill-feelings that we grow for someone. Don't wash this dirty linen in public. Throw it away. And that is because washing dirty linen in this way will only give muddy water. 

The point to be noted, milord, is that the gossip mongers thrive on this muddy water itself. They love to play here. And we know which animal loves to jump around in mud, don't we?!

If '3 Mistakes..' were a film

The Review of 'The 3 Mistakes of my life' by Chetan Bhagat, my way!!

With both of his novels being made into films, the chances are high that proceedings of buying the reproduction rights of this third book are in pace.

If this movie would be made into a film, the film would have enough masala - but it would end up being a confused film.

Emraan Hashmi would want to play the title role for like all other Chetan Bhagat novels, this one has depictions of secret physical intimacy and ya, adultery.

Of late, every movie has to be screened to a delegation that needs to approve that the film does not hurt the sentiments of their community. With all these smaller meaner censor boards in place, the film (the film based on this book) would really have to go through a lot of checks - the film does touch a lot of sensitive issues.

The climax of this film, however, will indeed be liked by all. Because it is as unbelievable, exaggerated and weird as many of our Hindi films! I mean, when I finished the book, I had a 'What?' on my face.

So anyways, if '3 mistakes...' is made into a film, that would be the producer's first mistake.

Chetan's third book fails to live up to the expectations. He follows the same path again - and maybe sprinkles some current events (The earthquake, the riots) that have taken place in Gujarat in the last couple of years. The book and its characters fail to strike a chord.

Fasting forward

Credit: To an online friend who urged me to write a funny post. Enough of death, balloons and motion, the friend said.

Disclaimer: Not to be taken seriously. On a light note, strictly.

Fasts - a very Indian concept! Fasts are of varying magnitudes and forms. Fasting for a few hours before a pooja, fasting on particular days of the week or fasting every day for a longer period of time. During fasts like these, some people eat only selective food items, some stick to water while very few stay away from that as well!

And most of them sneak into the kitchen to grab a small piece of chocolate. One chocolate does no harm.

Fasts are for one's good health, good marks, good money or for a good husband. And in some cases, to ensure that the good husband stays good. And when nothing else, fasts are for a good figure! (They help you get in shape you see!!)

Fasts are short-cuts to success. They are like those 'jhatpat paisa' schemes which claim to earn a lot of money for you in less time. Fasts are like lottery tickets - you know you may not win a lottery always, but you just cannot stop yourself from trying.

Fasts, at the end of the day, are yet another path that humans take as a part of their lust for happiness.

On a lighter note, they are humble and at times, desperate attempts to fast-forward one's success!!

Filmy lines that left a mark

I am filmy - very very Bollywood! I cried when the Indian hockey team won the world cup in Chak De India; I felt evil when Mayabhai had a builder thrown off the terrace of a building; I was awe-struck when Devdas and Paro walked through the glass-house. And there are lines which I so love - I don't use them often. Ever. But still, I love them. Love is not all about using something, is it?! (That could be a line as well..)

1. "Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!!" (Om Shanti Om)- This line infuses hope. Positivity. And the never-give-up attitude.
2. "Bade bade deshon mein aisi chhoti chhoti baatein hoti rehti hai.." (DDLJ) - Aah, what a line to flirt!! ... to kiss and make up? ..Not literally!
   
3. "Tumhe meri aankhon mein kya dikhaayi deta hai?!" - This line will surely leave a mark. On my cheek. Either a lipstick mark - or a slap.
4. "Mujhse dosti karogi!" (Umpteen number of Yash Chopra Movies) - This is the cheesiest line I've ever come across. Utterly filmy - so much that it grosses me out as well!

Well, that's all I can think of. Can you think of anything more?

The Combinations

"Aadi.. will a brown tie look good on my grey shirt?"

"Should I wear danglers or should I wear earrings?"

"Aadi... this blazer doesn't look gaudy right?"

These 'days' are the only times when engineering students take suggestions about colour and dressing combinations. For people who allegedly wear any shirt with any pant throughout the year get fashion-conscious on these 'days' at college. And these 'days' can be anything from the common 'traditional day' to 'mix n match day'. (I know of a friend who wore a shirt, a cowboy hat, a tie and a lungi for this one)

And when one has 'tie/sari day' at college - that's like an ocassion of the year. The chicks go on a shopping spree and end up burning a big hole in their dads' pockets. The guys turn metrosexual all of a sudden and want to try all sorts of tings they have seen in movies. For engineering guys, it's mostly the English movies that serve as a source of inspiration (I am an exception there.)

And it's not just about the dressing combinations - photographs are clicked in multiple combinations. With different number of friends, at different places, with different expressions on their faces.

These photographs are the melting pot of these people- combinations of people, cultures, colours, social background, preferences, choices, passions. All under the same roof. All in the same edges of the lens of the camera.

Some Telephone Calls

1st January, 2008
12.10am

Bhaumik: "Hello.."
Aaditya: (in a filmily childishly gujju tone) "HAYLO.. Bhaumik.. Happy budday!!"
Bhaumik: (he knows me.. he takes off in the same tone) "HAYLO uhdityaa.. Thank you!!"
Aaditya: (I can't get enough of it..) "HAYLO Bhaumik.. Happy new year!!"
Bhaumik (told you, he knows me for four years now. he continues..) : "HAYLO uhdityaa.. same to you!!"
Aaditya : "HAYLO Bhaumik.. bye bye!"
Bhaumik : "HAYLO uhdityaa... bye bye..."

1st January, 2008
2:19pm

Savio: "Hi .. Uhdityaa.."
Aaditya: "Yes ..?"
Savio: "Savio here.. remember?"
Aaditya: "Oh hi Savio.. tell me"
Savio: " I am in Mulund today - you wanna meet up?"
Aaditya: "I have an exam day after tommorrow.."
Savio: "Exam??? New year??? "

Either the phone gets disconnected or this guy hangs up of shock!!

1st January, 2008
2:57pm

Aaditya: "Hello Priyanka.."
Priyanka: "Boloo... how are youuuuu"
Aaditya: " I m good... happy new yr to you..."
Priyanka: "Aaaaaah.. thaannnnkkkssssss.. shraddha s with me here.. she s wishing you too..."
Aaditya: "Oh .. say hi to her.. btw.. i wanted your IS notes."
Priyanka: "Oh.. ok.. I'll get them for you on the 3rd."
Aaditya: "And don't forget your birthday treat..."
Priyanka: "You havent forgotten you.. "
Aaditya: "You havent given the treat either! haha"
Priyanka: "Ya baba sure... bbye"
Aaditya: "Byeee!"


1st January, 2008
8:18pm

(Excerpts)
Akshay: "Aadi, I m screwed"
Akshay: " Aadi.. i m scared"
Aaditya: "Akshay.. the paper doesn't eat you up.."
Akshay: "kitnaa baaki hai... "
Aadi: "Wat did you do for the 31st?"
Akshay: "I did frame format for Frame relay. and you? " [THE JOKE OF THE DAY.. quite funny of him!"
Aadi: "Relaxxx akshay.. isnt this seventh engg exam you are giving..."
Akshay: "Aadi.. i m screwed"

(and the cycle continues)

Why I love Mughal-e-azam..

The other day, somebody asked me why I wanted to watch 'Mughal-e-azam' three times back-to-back and why I had mentioned it in the 'things to do before I die' list. Here are my reasons:

1. Madhubala: Frankly, I have not seen any other movie of hers. But, this movie is sufficient to make her my favourite actress of yesteryears. She looks like a dream - and dances better. 'Mohe panghat pe' is her best song in the film. (..yes, I love it more than the more-famous 'Pyaar kiya to darna kya') The way she hugs Salim when Akbar finds out about their love, she is mindblowing!!

2. "SHEKHU...": Prithviraj Kapoor fits Akbar's role to the tee. The way he goes "Shekhu..." in his baritone - it's funny, amusing and entertaining.

3. The scene when Salim comes back: If you've seen the film carefully, you would surely remember Jodhabai's expressions when Salim comes back (Dilip Kumar's entry in the film). I love the melodrama on her face! "Uff.. kya yeh duniya ghoom rahi hai, yaa meri aankhein hi ruk nahi rahi.."

4. Pyaar kiya to darna kya: My favourite Lata Mangeshkar song. The way it has been picturised is nothing short of pathbreaking for the age the film was made in.

5. Bahaar and her wicked plans: Bahaar is the typical vamp - she is the mother of all the Komolikas of today. This Muslim actress has conveyed Bahaar's aspirations beautifully through her eyes. Especially in the scene where she is wearing the Queen's crown and standing in front of the mirror.

6. The Sindoor scene: The scene when Akbar wants Jodhabai to hand over the royal sword to him is truly a Bollywood scene. It has Maa ki mamta, Patni ka dharm aur Raja ka kartawya put together!! How Bollywood is that !!


The list goes on.. I love Mughal-e-azam!

Ten things to do before I die

This is a question which is generally answered by celebrities, but what the heck, this is my blog and these are the ten things I want to do before I die:

1. Meet Ekta Kapoor some day. Tell her that Indian morals and entertainment is not about three najayaz bachhas per serial and two deaths per twenty episodes.

2. Walk down the ramp in a fashion show. I am a clumsy fellow and my towel keeps falling atleast once a week after bath.

3. Wear my clothes inside out for a day. And read a book upside down that day.

4. Make a sculpture - of a wild boar with the head of a horse and tail of a stingray barb. Wonder where the boar would be? That's art my dear.

5. Dance naked with a group of gorillas. Do I hear you saying 'birds of same feather...'?

6. For a day, Watch 'Mughal-e-azam' three times back-to-back.

7. Live the first day of my school again. That's when the worldly ambitions, the struggle and the dejection started.

8. Meet the brains behind terrorism - train blasts to manned attacks. And see if they have a heart too.

9. Thank the mothers of the world. For they rule.

10. and for a day, I want to be myself. Because no one else will.

My Autumn

"Aaditya, you look older than me", my thirty [aah, wouldn't reveal his real age] year old uncle said this to me - and I was not surprised. I suffer from a problem which could be categorised under the 'lifestyle problem' category - hair-loss. Here I share the story of what many people know me by - my receeding hairline.

Long long ago, once upon a time, I applied a cheap hair gel. And there has been no looking back. Because if I look back, I see my hair fallen on my shoulder. Not that I am shedding, but yes, I experienced terrible hairfall in the days I shouldn't have.

Earlier, I used to like it - My hairline was like Akshaye Khanna's. But when you start resembling Amrish Puri, you press the panic button.

And then you collect phone numbers - of Bengali babas [I repeat , "babas" and not "babes" *makes an angelic face*] to Dr. Batra. And you end up calling the dermat who has his clinic closest to your house.

And then begins, a spate of hair massages - gallons of oil being poured over the barren land; scoops of pills going down my throat [and then the commode].

Meanwhile, I had my classmates clicking my pictures every month - not because I looked hot. They wanted to have a 'Before' - 'After' album ready.

The treatment started showing its effect - my dermat renovated his clinic. And I could see sprouts of hair.

Thankfully, it is not as bad now. I look as old as my thirty-year old uncle. :P.

whew, Baal baal bach gayaa..