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Aaditya and Me by Aditya Joshi is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Monologue of a sissy

Disclaimer: Completely imaginary and original work of expression.

I wiped my tears and continued to walk as fast as I could. My legs hurt - not because I was walking fast but because the football that had hit me, had hit me hard. I don't know whether I was limping for I don't remember. All I remember is my attempts to hide the fact that I was crying. The boys laughed and sneered on the football ground as they told me what a wimp I was.

Months later, my brother said he was utterly disgusted to see me watching a daily soap on television. He thought it was really really sissy of me!! A few days later, I remembered that he was also among the group of boys who had purposefully hit me with the football some months ago.

People seemed to have a problem with the way I walked, the way I used my hands while speaking.. in fact with the way I spoke!

When I entered a classroom, there would be muffled giggles. When this happened over and over again for months together, my confidence had shattered to pieces. I could never enter a room full of people without feeling embarrassed.

The physical training classes were a nightmare for me as I could hardly complete half a lap when everyone else was close to finishing the second. The physical training instructor joined the gang of boys that laughed at me...

Each time I moved in public, I could hear people laughing - some for real, many a fiction of my mind. I started staying indoors, didn't move around with people, stayed in my room for days together.

So deep was the feeling of inferiority about myself that I stopped looking at myself in the mirror. I was scared to acknowledge my own traits - my hand movements, my smile, my gait.


Today I stand in front of the same mirror rehearsing my speech for the film awards function tonight. I look into my eyes, hypnotized by my own charisma.

Today, the boys who hit me with their football tell their kids that I was their childhood friend.

Today, my brother asks me for the entry passes to the movie premiere of my directorial venture.

Today, I am 'manly' enough to tell the world... Yes, I am a 'sissy'!


  1. nice post.....i wish if everyone could follow "live and let live" more literally.....
    great piece of writing dude...keep it up.

  2. what a cool blog!
    me likes it..:)

  3. Thanks Keepsaker (aka A.) and Ankit... :)

  4. diff topic...and nicely written...

  5. Honestly the way u concluded it... was weird... kind of u were in hurry of finishing it... This should have been a series of blogs... slowly blossoming like a flower... or rather...rise of phoenix... or something different..
    U started very well.. but the conclusion was rather abrupt..
    It is true that the person in u r blog has achieved high goals inspite of being treated a sissy.. But tht did not happen immediately.. He must have transformed in to something manly first before getting a break as an actor... otherwise even in movies.. he will be gives a role of sissy...
    Sorry dude.. tooo much criticism.. But utterly honest...

  6. Hey! I have written something similar :) I labelled it "childhood guilt"


  7. Hey I agree to Sriharsha to some extent... The start was awesome but I expected a better finish..... Nevertheless the message to be conveyed is definitely through... Ones Life's the way one goes through but way of Living Life by ones own consent is what everyone wants. So, Live and let live.. Nice