The Monologue of a sissy

Disclaimer: Completely imaginary and original work of expression.

I wiped my tears and continued to walk as fast as I could. My legs hurt - not because I was walking fast but because the football that had hit me, had hit me hard. I don't know whether I was limping for I don't remember. All I remember is my attempts to hide the fact that I was crying. The boys laughed and sneered on the football ground as they told me what a wimp I was.

Months later, my brother said he was utterly disgusted to see me watching a daily soap on television. He thought it was really really sissy of me!! A few days later, I remembered that he was also among the group of boys who had purposefully hit me with the football some months ago.

People seemed to have a problem with the way I walked, the way I used my hands while speaking.. in fact with the way I spoke!

When I entered a classroom, there would be muffled giggles. When this happened over and over again for months together, my confidence had shattered to pieces. I could never enter a room full of people without feeling embarrassed.

The physical training classes were a nightmare for me as I could hardly complete half a lap when everyone else was close to finishing the second. The physical training instructor joined the gang of boys that laughed at me...

Each time I moved in public, I could hear people laughing - some for real, many a fiction of my mind. I started staying indoors, didn't move around with people, stayed in my room for days together.

So deep was the feeling of inferiority about myself that I stopped looking at myself in the mirror. I was scared to acknowledge my own traits - my hand movements, my smile, my gait.

**


Today I stand in front of the same mirror rehearsing my speech for the film awards function tonight. I look into my eyes, hypnotized by my own charisma.

Today, the boys who hit me with their football tell their kids that I was their childhood friend.

Today, my brother asks me for the entry passes to the movie premiere of my directorial venture.

Today, I am 'manly' enough to tell the world... Yes, I am a 'sissy'!