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Saturday, October 18, 2008

You know you are watching a KJo Film when..

Note: Slightly tongue-in-cheek. Exaggerated. For humour only.

And note: If you are not a white person or an Indian who has settled abroad, this post is not for you. As much as these K Jo movies.

Certain traits in a KJo/Yash Chopra film:
  • Punjab is the only state in India and Punjabi the only language.
  • If you are a lady, you can screech at the top of your voice, you can very well dream of being the central lady of the film. If you can't do the screeching, you better be someone's someone.
  • In the film, you see the skyline of a foreign location, the chiffon sari of the heroine, the breeze - but you can't see her face clearly. And the expression on her face too. But who cares? (Note : She will end up winning the best actress award and thanking Yash uncle for the challenging role.)
  • "Soniye", "Kudiye", "Raanjhnaa" - three words that are written on the paper a random number of times. Other words are arbitrarily spun around to form the lyrics of a song.
  • Britishers ruled the country for a long time, it's our turn now. We make them dance in the background of a frame to our tunes.
  • The climax always has to have - background music in loud volume, one long speech-cum-emotional dialogue by one of the central characters and storm/rain/lightening/dark night - two or more of these.
  • When a Bipasha Basu wears a revealing outfit in 'Jism', it's outrageously vulgar. When a Rani Mukherji does the same in a song from 'Bunty aur babli', it's just stylish, aesthetic and of global appeal.
  • Duniya mein koi bura nahi hota. Achhe logon par bura waqt aa jaata hai. I am a achha aadmi and I have this bura waqt when I watch a movie that has the heroine saying this.
  • If the movie claims to be 'young and happening', there'll certainly be a lot of skin show. The Naked-Neil-N-Naked-Nikki will stand testimony to my statement.
That's it. I need to watch Kuch kuch hota hai the two-hundredth time. Oops!

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